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Sunday, October 21, 2007



Yo Jazz... I just read your article. I don't feel that you are wrong for wanting to date someone with an image that is appealing to you... However, you didn't have to put your dates business out there like that... Another thing I think is that if she was really that bad, why was there a second date??? It's like for you to be so smart you had a dumb ass moment... Your beef was with her dress code period... You did have to put her personal business on front street like that... I wouldn't be telling you this if I wasn't a friend... Some of the contents of your article, couldv'e been left unsaid... That wasn't cool...

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Yeah, putting someone out like that on the internet was stepping up your game? It was rude, insensitive, and classless. Of course you should date who you like and everyone has their standards, however, why did you have to toss her under the bus like that?

Who are you to decide when someone should give up their dreams? No matter what or how far fetched the dream is. To me its not so different than when your girl dumped you for being overweight. Well, at least she didn't dump you then write crap about you for the world to see. I can't stand baggie pants on anyone young or old, but hey whatever floats their boat.

You could have just as easily written about your dislike for people you feel hasn't grown up (grown to the standards you think they should have) without naming names, you are very talented.

No, you didn't say her name but you gave everything but her address. The black lesbian community isn't very big...


Hey, we all have to grow up sometime.

//yes, some day I will stop getting drunk at punk shows. some day.//


I live in DC and the professional women here are just con artist...they are deeply in debt and can't even dine at a decent place to eat. Most live in PG county and are pretty ugly...many can't even afford to go to the dentist. Many of the black woman are into down-low hoochie mama's with no education or life skills as long as they "look good".

DC and Capitol Hill is fucked up as far as the black lesbian scebe is concerned!!!

Badger and Buckeye

Well, I agree that who you like, is just that, who you like. When you decide who to be with, its about where you are in life. I am not that much younger than Jasmyne and my partner and I are on very similar paths. I had a very hard time dating women who were content in being unmotivated to change their life circumstances. I am not saying these women are not worthy of love, of course they are but, what happened to self love?
The love that makes you want to get up get out and get something?...more than living in your momma’s house…more than having a dream with not strategy on how to achieve it.

How is it that Black women are faulted for being bugi, when they require a partner to have done at least the same amount of work to put their lives together as they have?


I am disappointed and I dont think I will be reading your site for awhile as this is not the first time that I have had this feeling. The feeling of disgust, disappointment and befuddlement.
I, just like you Jasmine:Need to break it off! It is better for me. Your issues are yours and I thank you for sharing them in this forum.
But what about Ms. Anoymous feelings? Do they matter? Is she the type of person who reads? Does she even exist? Do your friends that you dont want to know her name read your site or are they even aware of your site? Or is it just networking?
I think your friend is right in many ways. You are Bougie! With a capital B! And I dont know you. You have moved on and have forgotten where you come from and those people from the places you claim to represent! Please do everyone a favor and find someone from Capital Hill to date; Leave the hood chicks alone.
How quickly have you forgotten where you come from?
Many people dont share thier work environments with there partners. Some do. I am glad you are posting your feelings on line so that nobody else will waste there time in contacting you for a date. Unless they to have stepped up there game and got there $200.00!
The flip side to this is that you have some more chips sitting next to you at the roulette wheel of life and your Monetary Capital Value $$$ as a human being living in Amerikka has just increased...So you must be worthy of love now right?
Go ahead girl get your $200.00 - because that's whats really important in life & love?
Do your thang as there are those who step just like you!
Just Remember Monica she stepped up her game 2 when she left LA for the Capital one difference is your getting a government check.
Peace out for awhile...I need to chill its the best for me.


Do not feel bad for having standards. It is not judgmental to decide that you want your partner to be able to converse and exist in the same type of company as you. It is not even about maturity or being on your level per se, and you should feel free to date someone with common interests and similar goals without feeling like you are somehow being prejudicial. The rap star dream while unlikely, is understandable, but the sagging pants, unemployment and keeping residence with the mom is completely unforgiveable.

Kari Aiken

I so agree with ya. I just feel that its about time we "older" maturing women should look good. Mind you I use to rock that sags myself, however realizing the person I am presently with is an proffesional individual andas you stated, you have to be able to have your lady friend meet the "THE Family". If she is not well put together its a no no honey.


I enjoyed reading this post. I am 23 years old and often feel very inexperienced in the dating scene since I was in a relationship for several years. Now that I am attempting to get back on the scene again, I am appalled. I work in an office that often has social events and I just... I fight with this internal battle of feeling like I'm judging. Like black people judging other black people on this scale that white people defined. On top of that throw in the homosexual factor. I'm sad to say that as much as I enjoy my career, I work in an office with a lot of close minded white people that are not going to accept my girlfriend in sagging pants. I don't want to date someone that I have to explain when it is appropriate to wear certain things. Unfortunately within my age group, I can't seem to find anyone who does dress appropriately. Hell I'm having a hard enough time finding someone gainfully employed in something they're not doing until their "music" or basketball career takes off! I'm not sure if I'm judging or if I should just accept things as they are and try to force these views onto the Caucasian heterosexual office I work in! After almost a year of trying to date again and figuring out what doesn't work for me, I'm starting to wonder if there is hope. Is there hope? I'm seriously getting worried I will become the lady living alone with 100 cats. I currently reside in Houston, one of the largest cities in the country, and I don't think it should be this hard with some may people.


I agree that this woman was not the right one for you. I think workplace acceptability is a great screen. If you can't take someone you're seriously interested in to a workplace function you shouldn't date them. My one question is, would you have found her more palatable if you were still at the same rung on the career ladder as you were when the two of you lost touch? Would you have found her clothing choice so objectionable?Regardless of the answer, I enjoyed this post on many levels.

Wow. Thank you so much for writing this post. While I would have been able to overlook the baggy pants (but not the living at home, unemployed, wanna-be rapper AT THIRTY-SEVEN YEARS OLD status) I truly identify with the the difficulty in deciding an otherwise hot piece is just not "wifey" material.

If you truly felt uncomfortable with her personal style to the point where you were ashamed to introduce her to your friends, then you made the right move in breaking things off. Now, could you even imagine her accompanying you to a work- related benefit or dinner?

I recently had to make a similar decision, so thanks again. It's hard when someone is sexy and a nice person but just not up to your standards.


Good for you Ms. Cannick. Yeah it's rough out there on the dating scene. Good for you, your didn't settle in a relationship with her just for the sake of having a relationship. Too many of us do and then we feel awful the whole time.

Keep your standards and piece of mind.

Nyah Molineaux

Jasmyne, all of us have standards and you need to raise your standards with the people whom you choose to hang out with and date. Not saying some of her ways will rub off on you, but she is a drag. It is a sad case: 37 years old, still living with her mother, dreams of being a rap star. Furthermore, she is umemployed.

Not choosing to be her girlfriend is not being pretentious or snobby. It is being sane. Probably more people need to reject her so she could see that she need to step up her game.

You have improved yourself Jasmyne, dont settle for bullshit anymore.


You were wise to let this one go. I can't get over living with Moms at 37 and still wanting to be a rapper. Then the sagging pants just finished it for me. At a certain age....we need to dress our age regardless of how we identify (femme, stud, butch, etc.). Your friend has no direction in life and you obviously do and need to continue to raise the bar in what woman is worth your time and effort.


Anybody with a penchant for weed, baggy clothes and rap is certainly one to be taken out of the dating pool, too trifling and no self respect.

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